AS CRIANÇAS E O USO DO TEMPO: POR MAIS CONTEMPLAÇÃO E MENOS UTILITARISMO
– “Mamãe, o que eu posso fazer agora?”
Sempre que o Miguel, 5 anos, me aborda com esta pergunta, minha primeira reação é pensar que ele está ansioso. Em geral, isso acontece em situações em que nós (adultos, cuidadores) estamos ocupados com afazeres domésticos ou de trabalho e ele está “ocioso”. Minha resposta para ele tem sido no sentido de acolhê-lo e de tentar entender por que ele estaria “entediado”, indicando que ele pode ficar “de boa”, não fazer nada, ler um livro, deitar no sofá ou mesmo escolher uma outra brincadeira. Texto original publicado na Plataforma Cientista que Virou Mãe.
Fico pensando que para nós, adultos cuidadores, apoiar as crianças na administração do seu tempo tem sido uma tarefa árdua nos tempos em que vivemos, em que estamos cada dia mais imersos em dinâmicas societárias que nos empurram para ritmos cada vez mais violentos e rotinas cada vez mais perversas, cheias de compromissos e horários a cumprir em um ritmo que, muitas vezes, atropela o nosso próprio tempo.
No diálogo com o Miguel, tomo alguns cuidados. Um primeiro é o de fazê-lo entender que não precisa me consultar para decidir sobre a administração do seu próprio tempo, e que ele pode se conectar com ele mesmo, entender suas percepções e desejos e usar seu tempo para fazer o que tem vontade; um segundo é indicar que ele não precisa necessariamente fazer algo, e que curtir o “ócio” pode ser uma excelente opção; um terceiro é justamente não “classificá-lo” nomeando para ele estas “condições”. Se você prestar atenção no primeiro parágrafo deste texto, aparecem ali pelo menos três adjetivos – ansioso, ocioso e entediado. A maternidade reflexiva e algumas leituras (entre elas, a psicóloga argentina Laura Gutman, autora do livro “O poder do discurso materno”) me mostraram que muitas vezes a nomeação de algumas condições faz com que a criança se reconheça nelas e que isso apenas reforça algumas características que estamos justamente querendo “combater”. Então, a tentativa é de não nomear e, ao mesmo tempo, apoiá-lo a reconhecer como está se sentindo e como pode reagir a este sentimento, sempre que ele recorre a mim em busca de alguma atividade.
Ansioso x ocioso
Antes de chamar este quadro de “ansiedade” e ele de “ansioso” (ou mesmo de “ócio” e “ocioso”) busco olhar para a complexidade da situação em todas as suas dimensões. E sei que existem pelo menos três: uma pessoal (que tem relação com nosso momento de vida); uma social (que diz respeito a nossas relações); e uma global (que se refere a um amplo movimento, caracterizado pela aceleração cada vez maior da vida e do cotidiano – especialmente das famílias urbanas).
Fiquei pensando neste texto como uma forma de organizar e circunscrever estas três dimensões, porque sei que, por um lado, a maternidade reflexiva em rede está muito baseada na troca de experiências por identidade, e algumas mães podem se identificar com isso; e por outro, a reflexão parte sempre de uma vivência pessoal, mas é muito importante retirá-la desta condição e colocá-la em um plano maior, porque assim entendemos que alguns cenários não são exclusivos, mas sim estão conectados a questões societárias, engrenagens e políticas do nosso tempo.
Controle da rotina e segurança
Do ponto de vista da dimensão pessoal, vale a pena pontuar que este “estado” do Miguel parece estar relacionado ao momento que estamos atravessando. Em 2014, eu e o pai dele nos separamos, e desde então, ele – e a sua rotina – vem passando muitas transformações, entre elas, a mudança de casa (agora, ele tem duas) e de escola.
Ele vai à escola desde os 8 meses. Quando engravidei, tinha um trabalho fixo, fazia frilas e estava concluindo meu Doutorado. Quando ele nasceu, aos poucos, fiz uma transição para trabalhar como consultora (na época, cheguei a editar o blog Empreendedorismo Materno), e fiz todo esforço que pude para mantê-lo em casa
sob meus cuidados pelo máximo de tempo possível.
No entanto, desde cedo, por várias razões – que talvez caibam melhor em outro texto -, precisei optar pelo apoio da escola para dar conta dos trabalhos e do estudo. No começo, por poucas horas. Hoje em dia, ele vai todos os dias em média 6 horas por dia e frequenta uma escola particular “democrática e construtivista”.
O cotidiano na escola está organizado em atividades que são listadas em uma rotina logo no começo do dia, e esta rotina é acompanhada pelos alunos, item por item, até a sua conclusão, ao final do dia. Em algum momento no ano passado, a escola relatou um apego do Miguel aos pontos da rotina, da qual ele faria um certo controle excessivo e da qual ele se ressentiria em caso de mudança nos planos.
Fato é que esta lógica, de algum modo, se estabeleceu para ele como mecanismo e ele passou a reproduzi-la também em outros ambientes, como a nossa casa ou mesmo em momentos de lazer com família e amigos, em que ele se pega tentando organizar e construir uma distribuição do tempo, em que possa prever o que está por vir e o período de realização de cada uma das atividades.
A guarda compartilhada – e o sistema de divisão dos dias que eu tenho com o pai dele – também, de algum modo, reforçou esta prática, na medida em que ele faz um certo controle dos dias que passa com cada um – e conta os dias para que chegue o momento de ir para a casa do outro.
Em consulta ao pediatra que o acompanha (seguimos a Antroposofia), o próprio médico apontou que o apego à rotina e a necessidade de ordenar o dia podem ser formas de ele lidar melhor com as mudanças que estão acontecendo em sua vida. Podem ser recursos que ele encontrou para se sentir, de alguma forma, seguro.
Tendo a concordar com esta leitura e, se por um lado, entendo que é preciso respeitar esse mecanismo dele, pois se isso significa algum “porto seguro”, não podemos desmanchar esta estrutura que lhe dá suporte; por outro, avalio que podemos evitar reforçá-la, buscando alternativas e propondo uma transição para uma outra forma de ele organizar os seus ritmos e lidar com o tempo.
Reforço social e equilíbrios
Sabemos que não estamos isolados neste mundo. Sabemos que nada que reconhecemos neste mundo está externo a nós. Então, quando promovemos uma reflexão sobre o ritmo da vida na cidade, as escolhas que fazemos para a educação de nossos filhos e como isso gera modos de ação e percepção neles, sabemos que, de algum modo, todas estas questões nos habitam.
Para uma criança de 5 anos, a família, os amigos e a escola são as principais instâncias de vida social. O ideal, sabemos, é que estes diversos espaços desfrutem de uma certa convergência de valores e reflitam isso na prática educativa e de interação com as crianças.
Mas a realidade nem sempre é assim. E nós, como pais e mães reflexivos, precisamos entender esta complexidade e perceber que estes diversos campos estão entrelaçados e as crianças, de alguma forma, recebem informações e interagem com valores em todos eles, construindo mediações e comportamentos a partir destas relações. Nosso papel seria o de apoiá-los nestas mediações, tentando promover um equilíbrio entre todos estes olhares, saberes e relações.
Educação escolar(izada)
A educação escolar (ou a formação escolarizada para a vida, porque os valores da ordem e da disciplina extrapolam a escola e estão em vários ambientes de formação e troca com os quais nossas crianças pequenas têm contato hoje em dia) tem um peso grande nesta interação entre os diversos campos com os quais as crianças estão em contato e, em geral, contribui para que a criança estabeleça uma conexão com uma rotina, comprometendo o que seria uma conexão com o seu próprio ritmo.
No limite, trata-se de uma lógica relacionada à produtividade que não é necessariamente inerente a esta ou a aquela escola. Ela está impregnada no mundo em que vivemos; é uma dinâmica societária, da qual a escola não escapa e na qual estamos todos submersos.
Tomando consciência disso, penso que seria bem importante guiarmos nossos filhos para que eles consigam entender também que a rotina faz parte do modus operandi de alguns ambientes coletivos, que ela nos apoia na execução de algumas tarefas, que ela pode ser um bom recurso e um apoio de referência, mas que ela não deve, de forma alguma, “nos aprisionar”.
Mas de que forma fazer isso? Não sei muito bem, mas tendo a pensar que – quando junto com eles – devemos dedicar o tempo a estar juntos. Quando o Miguel me faz a pergunta que inicia este texto, tenho respondido que podemos não fazer nada juntos. Ou que ele pode “ficar de boa”; ou “ler uma revista”, mas acima de tudo, tenho pensado em como posso ajudá-lo a entender que ele não precisa de orientação, que ele pode ouvir internamente o que deseja fazer e expressar isso na forma da escolha de uma atividade – ou, principalmente, de uma “desatividade”. De não fazer nada e apenas desfrutar.
Na verdade, como acredito que os filhos nos ensinam cotidianamente e nos desafiam a repensar nossa presença no Universo, penso que este momento do Miguel e todos os seus questionamentos estão me desafiando a revisar a minha (e a nossa, como Humanidade) relação com o tempo. Como o usamos neste mundo moderno e que nos empurra cada dia mais a vivermos, nos relacionarmos e produzirmos industrialmente?
Esta não é uma reflexão simples, nem tampouco tem respostas imediatas. Nossa família vem, cotidianamente buscando novas perguntas e novos hábitos que nos tragam mais conforto e menos tensão com o uso do tempo e o respeito a nossos ritmos. Afinal de contas, o tempo deve ser usufruído, desfrutado e não necessariamente utilizado para (produzir) algo.
Tempo, ritmo e velocidade
Como em família de pesquisadores e estudiosos,um movimento prático nunca é desconectado de um movimento reflexivo, passamos a estudar, ler bastante e nos conectar ao SlowMovement, um movimento mundial que vem chamando a atenção das pessoas para a necessidade de desacelerar e desfrutar do tempo em vários campos da vida: desde a comida, as cidades, a mente e o corpo, a medicina, o trabalho, o lazer e até o sexo!
O movimento tem um “braço” voltado para as crianças, chamado “SlowKids”, que defende a criação sem pressa, a valorização do tempo livre e a proteção da infância de algumas lógicas (perversas) da sociedade produtivista.
O contato com alguns valores do movimento tem me apoiado no cotidiano com o Miguel, nas reflexões com a escola e na construção de uma rede de formação para ele, que seja confortável e acolhedora e que mostre que existem muitas formas de desfrutar do tempo, mas que ele não precisa se preocupar com isso agora.
Para saber mais:
Slow Kids http://slowkids.com.br/
Slow Movement http://www.slowmovement.com/
Instituto Alana http://alana.org.br/
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