O que não dizer a nossos filhos?
Um “Guest post”, que escrevi para o blog Parir-se ao parir.
Desde que li “O Poder do discurso materno”, da psicóloga argentina Laura Gutman e que a ouvi falar sobre isso em um seminário em São Paulo, venho “ruminando” esta questão: o que eu devo – e talvez mais ainda o que não devo – falar para o meu filho?
Estes dias, li um texto (http://www.updateordie.com/2012/04/17/o-que-acontece-quando-voce-fica-elogiando-a-inteligencia-de-uma-crianca/) que circulou nas redes sociais sobre os malefícios causados a um garoto que ouviu muitos elogios e que foi desde cedo chamado por todos de “muito inteligente”. O texto é sobre os malefícios do rótulo, seja ele um valor “bom” ou “ruim”.
O fato é que: (1) somos mães e temos a árdua tarefa de nomear o mundo para nossos filhos; (2) mais do que o mundo externo, temos a tarefa de nomear o mundo interno: as emoções, as sensações; tudo com o que eles estão tendo contato pela primeira vez e que nós temos que buscar traduzir e nomear.
Na sociologia, alguns autores falam sobre o tal “poder de nomeação”. É o poder de oficializar algo. Algumas vezes, o poder de dar vida a algo. De dar visibilidade. Dar nome é fazer a coisa existir. No caso da nomeação para os filhos, este ato em geral é uma apresentação de algo; em seguida, quando acontecer uma segunda vez, seria um reconhecimento.
Verdade, cuidado e contato.
Quando li o livro da Laura Gutman, pensei: mas então, se eu só elogiar o meu filho, ele vai ter a autoestima ótima. Só que não. Ele simplesmente vai ser uma pessoa incapaz de reconhecer seus sentimentos e emoções e de nomeá-los (caso sejam novos) ou de ordená-los (caso já tenham nome, em seu repertório).
Na realidade, ao nomear, estamos ajudando a criança a ordenar sua mente, a se preparar para interpretar, para se (re)conhecer.
E é aí que mora o perigo de rotular.
Acho que, se tenho uma impressão a compartilhar, é a de que precisamos estar sempre atentos. Para transmitir a verdade daquele momento preciso, com cuidado e entrando em contato com o que de fato a criança está passando.
Claro que, às vezes, estamos muito cansadas e pode nos escapar um “você é muito manhoso”; ou “você está chato hoje” (Parêntesis: gente, a ideia deste texto não é ficar “cagando regra” de como cada uma deve falar com seu filho, mas sim, promover uma reflexão sobre as repetições, os reforços de ideias que viram ‘rótulos’ e que se tornam o modo como as crianças se identificam no mundo). Porque penso ser bem importante conhecer as possíveis consequências que uma frase ou uma palavra exaustivamente repetidas pelos pais podem causar na vida da criança em um longo prazo.
Na palestra da Laura Gutman, ela pede para a plateia pensar em como a nossa mãe nos chamava quando crianças. É um momento de comoção, pois todas nos damos conta de que de alguma forma, aquela(s) palavrinha(s) ficou guardada em uma caixinha bem profunda da nossa alma; e que aprendemos a nos reconhecer através dela. No meu caso, era um conjunto de palavrinhas: organizada, precoce, independente. E estas palavrinhas ecoam até hoje em mim.
Isso não quer dizer que devemos ficar mudas. Nem apenas elogiar. Na verdade, não existe muita fórmula, porque cada mãe é uma; cada filho é um. Mudas ou elogiosas, igualmente, não estaremos ajudando nossos filhos a se (re)conhecerem e a (re)conhecerem seus sentimentos, emoções e situações cotidianas.
Penso que – se é que existe algum “segredo” -, ele está na lealdade. A eles e a nós mesmas. No meu caso, a melhor estratégia é parar, respirar (a cada instante em que penso em proferir uma tese sobre o estado de espírito dele) e buscar entender e traduzir o que de fato está acontecendo.
Penso que atentas e com cuidado, verdade, contato e lealdade é possível contribuir para que eles se conheçam e se reconheçam e – mais do que isso – para que entendam como funciona este processo e assim estejam abertos a mudar e a se reconhecer novamente, sempre que preciso for.”
* Jornalista, pesquisadora e mãe do Miguel.
I simply want to mention I’m beginner to blogging and site-building and absolutely savored you’re web blog. Likely I’m want to bookmark your blog . You really have good writings. With thanks for revealing your blog.
Where can I find the best online creative writing courses? I live in NYC so which colleges offer the best online creative writing course? If not in a college than where else?.
I just want to tell you that I am just newbie to blogs and certainly loved this web-site. Very likely I’m going to bookmark your site . You absolutely come with really good article content. Appreciate it for revealing your web page.
When the mattress got here, I unboxed that from the plastic as well as it immediately began having condition. I’ve had a handful of actually excellent nights sleeping and also I’m pleased to say this is actually an excellent mattress.
My spouse and I needed to have a comfortable bed to reconsider when going to as well as acquired these mattresses for a frame he was actually producing them.
Hey there would you mind stating which blog platform you’re working with? I’m going to start my own blog soon but I’m having a tough time selecting between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your design seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something unique. P.S Sorry for being off-topic but I had to ask!
I truly appreciate this post. I’ve been looking everywhere for this! Thank goodness I found it on Bing. You have made my day! Thanks again!
It is actually a great and helpful piece of info. I am satisfied that you shared this useful information with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.
you’re in reality a excellent webmaster. The web site loading velocity is amazing. It kind of feels that you’re doing any distinctive trick. In addition, The contents are masterwork. you have performed a wonderful job on this matter!
You are my aspiration , I have few blogs and infrequently run out from to brand.I think this website has some very wonderful info for everyone. “As we grow oldthe beauty steals inward.” by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
It’s appropriate time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I could I want to suggest you few interesting things or tips. Maybe you can write next articles referring to this article. I want to read even more things about it!
Im grateful for the blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Keep writing.
You really make it seem really easy with your presentation but I in finding this topic to be actually one thing that I feel I would never understand. It kind of feels too complex and extremely huge for me. I am looking forward for your subsequent submit, I will try to get the dangle of it!
I have been examinating out some of your articles and it’s pretty nice stuff. I will make sure to bookmark your website.
I must get across my affection for your kindness in support of people that really need help with in this situation. Your real dedication to passing the solution around was surprisingly invaluable and has continually encouraged men and women much like me to realize their aims. Your personal warm and friendly help denotes so much a person like me and especially to my office colleagues. Thanks a lot; from all of us.
of course like your web site however you have to take a look at the spelling on quite a few of your posts. Many of them are rife with spelling issues and I find it very bothersome to inform the truth then again I will definitely come back again.
I and also my friends appeared to be taking note of the nice items located on the website while before long developed a horrible suspicion I had not thanked the site owner for them. All of the boys appeared to be certainly warmed to read all of them and have in effect definitely been using them. Appreciation for indeed being well kind as well as for figuring out this kind of terrific themes most people are really wanting to discover. My very own sincere regret for not expressing appreciation to you earlier.
Thank you for the sensible critique. Me & my neighbor were just preparing to do some research on this. We got a grab a book from our area library but I think I learned more clear from this post. I am very glad to see such magnificent info being shared freely out there.
I got what you mean , appreciate it for putting up.Woh I am pleased to find this website through google. “Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.” by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
RETSPRO hoaxes perhaps may be available via the internet, mostly by means of nulled/old copies of our RETSPRO wordpress plugin. RETS PRO is continually being evaluated and modified, in the event you end up with any of these nulled versions you will not have accessibility to any updates or support.
You have brought up a very good details , thanks for the post.
Great tremendous things here. I¡¦m very satisfied to look your article. Thanks a lot and i am looking forward to touch you. Will you please drop me a e-mail?
Good write-up, I¡¦m normal visitor of one¡¦s site, maintain up the nice operate, and It’s going to be a regular visitor for a lengthy time.
I think you have mentioned some very interesting points , thanks for the post.
I have been examinating out many of your articles and i must say pretty clever stuff. I will make sure to bookmark your site.
I like the valuable information you provide in your articles. I will bookmark your blog and check again here frequently. I’m quite sure I’ll learn many new stuff right here! Best of luck for the next!
Hello very nice blog!! Man .. Excellent .. Wonderful .. I will bookmark your web site and take the feeds additionally…I’m glad to seek out numerous useful info right here in the post, we need develop extra strategies in this regard, thank you for sharing.
I like this post, enjoyed this one thanks for putting up. “To the dull mind all nature is leaden. To the illumined mind the whole world sparkles with light.” by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Generally I do not learn post on blogs, but I would like to say that this write-up very forced me to take a look at and do so! Your writing taste has been amazed me. Thanks, quite nice article.
I am not sure where you’re getting your info, but great topic. I needs to spend some time learning much more or understanding more. Thanks for great info I was looking for this info for my mission.
Enjoyed examining this, very good stuff, regards . “Shared joys make a friend, not shared sufferings.” by Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche.
I got what you intend, thankyou for putting up.Woh I am happy to find this website through google. “The test and use of a man’s education is that he finds pleasure in the exercise of his mind.” by Carl Barzun.
Some really good information, Glad I discovered this. “We protest against unjust criticism, but we accept unearned applause.” by Jose Narosky.
Its like you read my mind! You seem to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you could do with some pics to drive the message home a bit, but other than that, this is wonderful blog. An excellent read. I will definitely be back.
I like this post, enjoyed this one thanks for putting up. “We are punished by our sins, not for them.” by Elbert Hubbard.
Hi my family member! I want to say that this article is amazing, nice written and include almost all significant infos. I would like to peer extra posts like this.
I’ve learn some just right stuff here. Certainly value bookmarking for revisiting. I wonder how much effort you set to make any such fantastic informative website.
As soon as I detected this internet site I went on reddit to share some of the love with them.
Hey, you used to write wonderful, but the last several posts have been kinda boring… I miss your tremendous writings. Past several posts are just a little bit out of track! come on!
Simply wanna input that you have a very nice web site , I the layout it actually stands out.
Unquestionably believe that which you stated. Your favorite justification seemed to be on the net the easiest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get irked while people think about worries that they plainly do not know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people could take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks
What a stuffinformationdatamaterial of un-ambiguity and preserveness of preciousvaluable experienceknowledgefamiliarityknow-how regardingconcerningabouton the topic of unexpectedunpredicted feelingsemotions.
Wonderful paintings! That is the kind of information that are meant to be shared across the internet. Shame on the seek engines for not positioning this post higher! Come on over and consult with my site . Thanks =)
I’ve been absent for some time, but now I remember why I used to love this web site. Thanks, I’ll try and check back more frequently. How frequently you update your web site?
Whats Happening i am new to this, I stumbled upon this I’ve discovered It positively useful and it has aided me out loads. I’m hoping to give a contribution & assist different customers like its helped me. Good job.
wonderful points altogether, you just won a brand new reader. What could you recommend in regards to your put up that you made a few days in the past? Any sure?
You have noted very interesting points! ps decent web site.
Lovely blog! I am loving it!! Will be back later to read some more. I am taking your feeds also
You made some clear points there. I looked on the internet for the topic and found most guys will go along with with your website.
You are my inspiration , I possess few web logs and often run out from to brand.
Only a smiling visitor here to share the love (:, btw great style and design. “Treat the other man’s faith gently it is all he has to believe with.” by Athenus.
Some genuinely prime content on this web site , saved to my bookmarks .
I like the helpful information you provide in your articles. I will bookmark your weblog and check again here frequently. I’m quite sure I will learn plenty of new stuff right here! Good luck for the next!
I wanted to create you one very little observation to say thanks a lot over again for your personal marvelous tactics you’ve shared in this article. It is simply pretty open-handed of people like you in giving publicly just what most of us would have made available for an electronic book to generate some cash on their own, especially considering that you could have done it if you wanted. The principles as well acted to be the fantastic way to be aware that someone else have the identical zeal just as my very own to know a little more with regards to this problem. I’m sure there are many more pleasurable occasions in the future for those who examine your site.
I’ve been browsing online more than 3 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It is pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all site owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the net will be a lot more useful than ever before.
I wish to show appreciation to you just for bailing me out of such a matter. Just after surfing around throughout the internet and coming across solutions that were not helpful, I figured my life was done. Existing without the strategies to the difficulties you have solved through your entire site is a critical case, as well as ones which might have in a negative way affected my career if I hadn’t noticed the blog. Your own personal talents and kindness in taking care of all the things was very helpful. I am not sure what I would have done if I hadn’t encountered such a solution like this. I’m able to at this time relish my future. Thanks so much for this high quality and sensible guide. I won’t be reluctant to suggest your web blog to any person who needs and wants tips about this topic.
Excellent goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to and you’re just too great. I actually like what you’ve acquired here, really like what you’re stating and the way in which you say it. You make it enjoyable and you still take care of to keep it sensible. I cant wait to read far more from you. This is really a terrific web site.
Thanks , I’ve just been searching for information approximately this topic for a while and yours is the greatest I’ve found out so far. But, what about the bottom line? Are you positive concerning the supply?
Thank you so much for providing individuals with an exceptionally marvellous chance to read articles and blog posts from this site. It is usually so pleasing and packed with amusement for me personally and my office fellow workers to search your website a minimum of 3 times every week to read through the newest issues you have. And indeed, we’re at all times motivated with your splendid tricks you serve. Certain 2 points on this page are basically the most impressive we have all ever had.
Hello, i think that i saw you visited my weblog thus i came to “return the favor”.I am attempting to find things to improve my web site!I suppose its ok to use some of your ideas!!
I do agree with all the ideas you have presented to your post. They’re very convincing and can definitely work. Nonetheless, the posts are very brief for beginners. Could you please lengthen them a little from subsequent time? Thanks for the post.
But wanna remark on few general things, The website pattern is perfect, the written content is rattling fantastic : D.
You made a few fine points there. I did a search on the issue and found nearly all folks will agree with your blog.
I’m really impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself? Anyway keep up the nice quality writing, it is rare to see a nice blog like this one these days..
I dugg some of you post as I cogitated they were invaluable very beneficial
Thank you a lot for giving everyone an exceptionally memorable opportunity to read in detail from this site. It’s always very awesome and also packed with fun for me and my office mates to visit your website nearly three times every week to see the new stuff you will have. And definitely, I’m so actually fulfilled concerning the beautiful strategies served by you. Some 3 points on this page are ultimately the most suitable I have had.
I would like to show some thanks to the writer for rescuing me from such a circumstance. Because of surfing around through the world-wide-web and getting thoughts which are not productive, I thought my life was over. Being alive without the presence of strategies to the issues you’ve sorted out all through this guideline is a critical case, and those which might have badly damaged my entire career if I hadn’t come across your web blog. Your own ability and kindness in maneuvering all things was excellent. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had not come upon such a point like this. I am able to at this moment relish my future. Thanks a lot so much for the high quality and effective help. I won’t hesitate to propose your web page to anybody who should receive direction on this area.
Great site. Lots of helpful info here. I’m sending it to a few pals ans also sharing in delicious. And certainly, thank you in your effort!
Have you ever thought about publishing an e-book or guest authoring
on other sites? I have a blog based upon on the same topics you discuss and would love to
have you share some stories/information. I know my viewers would enjoy
your work. If you are even remotely interested,
feel free to send me an email.
HowdyHi thereHey thereHiHelloHey would you mind statingsharing which blog platform you’re working withusing? I’m lookingplanninggoing to start my own blog in the near futuresoon but I’m having a toughdifficulthard time making a decisionselectingchoosingdeciding between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your design and styledesignlayout seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something completely uniqueunique. P.S My apologiesApologiesSorry for gettingbeing off-topic but I had to ask!
F*ckin’ amazing things here. I am very satisfied to peer your article. Thanks so much and i’m taking a look forward to contact you. Will you please drop me a e-mail?
I would like to express my thanks to this writer for bailing me out of such a situation. Because of browsing throughout the world-wide-web and seeing techniques which were not productive, I figured my entire life was done. Being alive without the presence of answers to the issues you’ve solved through this write-up is a serious case, and the ones that might have in a wrong way damaged my entire career if I hadn’t noticed your website. Your actual skills and kindness in touching everything was invaluable. I’m not sure what I would have done if I had not come upon such a step like this. It’s possible to at this moment relish my future. Thanks very much for your professional and result oriented help. I won’t be reluctant to endorse your web blog to any person who wants and needs guidance on this topic.
I’ve recently started a site, the info you offer on this website has helped me tremendously. Thanks for all of your time & work.
Its like you read my mind! You seem to know so much about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you can do with a few pics to drive the message home a little bit, but other than that, this is excellent blog. A fantastic read. I will definitely be back.
I truly enjoy looking at on this web site, it holds superb content. “A short saying oft contains much wisdom.” by Sophocles.
I precisely wished to appreciate you once more. I do not know what I would’ve handled without these recommendations shared by you relating to this field. It actually was an absolute frustrating matter for me, but looking at this specialised form you solved it forced me to cry for happiness. I am just happier for this service as well as wish you are aware of a great job you happen to be doing teaching people today all through your website. I am certain you haven’t come across all of us.
When placed with each other as an entire mattress, my wife and I rested quite effectively on these beds; incredibly comfy and master measurements.
Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wished to say that I have really enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write again very soon!
I needed to send you that very little observation to help give thanks once again with your wonderful methods you’ve featured on this website. This has been quite particularly generous of you in giving unreservedly exactly what many people could possibly have marketed as an e book to make some bucks for their own end, primarily considering the fact that you could have done it in case you decided. These techniques in addition served to be the great way to realize that the rest have the identical dreams just like mine to know a lot more with reference to this problem. I am sure there are millions of more pleasurable instances in the future for those who see your blog post.
Very interesting information!Perfect just what I was searching for!
I wish to show my admiration for your kindness giving support to folks who need guidance on your concept. Your special dedication to passing the solution all-around was certainly invaluable and have always encouraged workers just like me to realize their aims. Your helpful report signifies much a person like me and especially to my fellow workers. With thanks; from each one of us.
Good – I should certainly pronounce, impressed with your website. I had no trouble navigating through all the tabs and related info ended up being truly simple to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it at all. Reasonably unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or something, web site theme . a tones way for your client to communicate. Nice task.
Generally I do not read article on blogs, but I would like to say that this write-up very forced me to take a look at and do it! Your writing taste has been amazed me. Thank you, quite great post.
I dugg some of you post as I cerebrated they were invaluable handy
Thank you so much for giving everyone remarkably spectacular opportunity to check tips from this website. It’s usually very cool plus full of amusement for me and my office peers to search your website really three times in a week to find out the fresh guides you have got. Not to mention, I’m just usually satisfied with all the cool solutions you serve. Selected 2 ideas in this article are without a doubt the simplest I have ever had.
Thank you so much for giving everyone a very memorable opportunity to discover important secrets from this web site. It can be so fantastic and also packed with a good time for me and my office friends to visit the blog at least 3 times every week to find out the latest items you will have. And of course, we are certainly satisfied with the astonishing concepts served by you. Selected 4 tips in this article are clearly the most efficient we have had.
I will immediately seize your rss as I can’t to find your email subscription link or e-newsletter service. Do you have any? Kindly permit me know so that I could subscribe. Thanks.
I was suggested this website by my cousin. I am not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know such detailed about my problem. You’re wonderful! Thanks!
I like this blog so much, saved to fav. “I don’t care what is written about me so long as it isn’t true.” by Dorothy Parker.
My spouse and i ended up being so glad when Chris could carry out his investigations via the precious recommendations he made while using the weblog. It’s not at all simplistic just to choose to be giving away guidance a number of people may have been selling. And now we already know we’ve got the blog owner to thank for that. Those explanations you have made, the straightforward website menu, the relationships your site make it easier to promote – it’s everything extraordinary, and it is facilitating our son in addition to our family understand the subject matter is fun, and that is especially indispensable. Thanks for all!
My spouse and i have been really more than happy when Jordan managed to deal with his researching through the entire ideas he had through the web page. It’s not at all simplistic to just continually be making a gift of procedures other people might have been selling. And we figure out we have the website owner to be grateful to for that. All the illustrations you made, the simple web site navigation, the relationships you will make it easier to engender – it is all fantastic, and it’s making our son in addition to us imagine that the concept is amusing, which is particularly mandatory. Thanks for the whole lot!